If you’re really in pain, ask for help.
If you’re opening up to someone you can trust, you’ll be surprised what can come of it.
Why want to let other help you? There are so many reasons but the most obvious has to do with the fact that when you’re in pain, in real pain, it’s so intense that one might even go as far as to consider ending their life. That bad. So asking for help way before reaching that proverbial cliff is paramount to one’s own potential for some form of salvation.
Thus the utmost importance to both nurture quality relationships and then, being aware these relationships exist in your life ecosystem. Then, when that moment occurs when you need help, you’ll actually have actionable relationships towards which turning makes sense.
Call it emotional, spiritual and social insurance, of sorts.
Resistance in everything
The human experience is about so many things but one of them we all feel is resistance (in the sense of “friction” or “difficulty in all things entertained in though that one wants to create, in their life”).
Since resistance is universal in our life experiences, it becomes a bridge between all of us.
As such, I could feel building up a web site is easy or said otherwise, a minimal resistance activity since I’m used to building them but for somebody else, building the exact same cookie-cutter web site might be hard (lots of resistance to achieve that web site project) so the best thing that could happen, in that scenario, is that I’d be called upon to build up the web site. That simple. If I accept, it’s way more easy-peasy for me to make that web site happen than for somebody else who isn’t versed in that specialty.
You see how asking for help can save you unnecessary hardship and in my case, I get something out of it, be it emotional, social, financial or otherwise. Asking for help to the right person makes so much sense, it’s a natural remedy to our modern isolation.
There’s another important word, right there: isolation.
Since we’re pushed into our egocentrical lifestyles where asking for help can sound like a kind of weak thing to do, we absolutely need to ascertain and manifest our right to love ourselves enough to push away the isolationist approaches we’re being sold onto to find that special someone who we can turn to to ask for help.
Don’t go crying in public, that’ll make you look weak and will likely create more problems for you that those you’d believe it can solve. However, find that special person and ask for help. Ask a few more people if you feel it’s necessary but most of all, ask for help. Do it. That’s the most obvious way you’ll receive help.
The right person
Now, asking for help to the wrong person will not end well.
Either because things will not progress in your favor or they’ll regress. You need to learn quickly (in your life journey) that these people are toxic to you. Maybe they’re good for others but not for you so like a firewall will protect your computer, you need to put up a firewall of sorts between you and all of those toxic people.
If you can’t easily size these people out, follow your inner voice.
Taking chances on toxic people thinking they’ll change (for the better) because you’re opening up to them and asking for help is unwise.
You need to love yourself enough to know not to allow toxic people to be their toxic selves around you, especially not when you actually need help.
Keep in mind that in many real-life situations, complex situations, if you will, you might need to ask for help to more than one person. If these people aren’t toxic to you, they’ll actually be proud to be part of any help forwarded your way by more than one party. For these wonderful and helping people, providing you with the help you’re seeking makes sense on all fronts (helping you while helping themselves grow and know themselves even better, within their life continuum).
Don’t get sucked in
Again with the toxic people, don’t fall for their false cries for help.
You need to develop a sixth sense for their fake requests. Refuse to be sucked into their vortex of eternal want where they transfer their own life burdens onto your shoulders. You can see how this would impede you in your own life instead of empowering you.
Furthermore, those toxic people need to hit their own wall to understand whatever it is their life challenges are meant to teach them.
Taking charge of their life burdens will not only cripple you but it’ll just force them to face their ordeals over and over again, unti they’re able to stand up to them, by themselves. Call it life, karma or fate, toxic people tend to shy away from facing their hardships and you need to be aware of that so to be able to say no when they attempt to burden you with them.
In other words, there’s value in balanced requests (when others ask you to help them) and the same goes for you when you ask others for help. Be part of the solution. Exactly the same way that you expect others to take part in their own solutions, too.
Anything unbalanced will hurt you. So tend towards balance, in all things. Request specifics when other come from you for help as to be able to deliver realistic goals and not get sucked into unrealistic expectations (which end up in all flavors of deceptions, most of the time).
So, should you ask for help?
Yes, a thousand times yes!
Just be aware of the toxic people out there and the right way to go about things.
As a rule of thumb, ask for help for roughly 20% of the outcome you’re looking for and as a concrete gesture of your true resolve to “fix things”, put up at least 80% of the work. That’ll be proof for whoever helps you that you’re in it to win, for real. Same goes if you’re the one providing the help.
Helping others makes as much sense today as it always has.
There will come times when you just can’t help when you’re called upon but that’s likely because it was meant that way. Either help was not applicable (for a variety of usually complex reasons), somebody else has to be found to “do it” or perhaps, in rare occasions, the person asking for help absolutely had to go through it alone.
You need to be able to read into these situations.
That’s part of your journey.
The weight of the world on your shoulders
It’s said that life never puts more on our shoulders than we can support. That’s a lofty principle that isn’t always clear when shit hits the fan and we believe we need help. So, in doubt, ask for help and refuse to be a victim as you’re the creator of your own destiny. Same goes for whoever helps you. With all of the perils and benefits that accompany such action.
And when you ask yourself why so much hardship happens to you, think of all you’ll learn from it. And also, if you weren’t the one who has wished upon “things to change” and this way life’s way of “changing things your way”, therefore forcing you to reflect on what you wish for and how precise you need to be of what you want to happen (so to get the good and evade the negatives).
So that’s a quick overview of why it’s importance to ask for help.
If you’re new to asking for help, start with small things and when bigger things come around, you’ll have a little practice at how to go about it. If it’s your first time, then just do the best you can and learn as much as you can from it.
Don’t let your problems consume you. They’re insidious and potentially deadly so ask for help… and see what happens!
I’d like to leave you off with a wonderful clip for The Anarchast with Beth Martens, from Manitoba:
For more inspiring clips, I suggest you take a look at Anarchapulco where diverse and engaging speakers talk about subjects of importance, to you. The more aware you are, the better you can steer your own life… as creator (and not a victim).
