Either you have first-experience of divorce or you know someone really close to you who has given you front seats to the level of drama (or not) that can stem from a relationship ending.
Communication is key.
No communication or very little of it will inevitably lead to distrust between the divorcees and those who attempt to make sense of their failing relationship.
Emotions can cloud both good judgement, constructive ideas and well-though out words. This is why if you’re divorcing, communication will be you ally while emotions might add unwanted weight to your ability to process what’s happening.
The bitter end, or not
Ending a relationship can be easier if the stakes are low. You basically kiss, say goodbye and promise to keep in touch over social media.
However, things get incredibly more complex when a family needs to continue operating “as usual” within the divorce storm, so to speak. When divorce rhymes with asset liquidation, liquidity and pension sharing as well as outright alimony, all sorts of unlikely patterns may emerge, from both divorcees… and their surroundings.
There used to be a time when couples would “work things out”. Not today. Infidelity, boredom or another “more appealing relationship opportunity” (cuter, younger, sexier… richer) are all valid reasons to end an otherwise functioning relationship.
And that’s all fine if the nature of the offense to the couple is significant but with a divorce rate running along the line of 50% of marriages and way over that for “non-married relationships”, it’s clear some divorces happen for trivial reasons blown way out of proportion.
When it hits
The moment a divorce is under way, the divorcees entire lives change.
The couple which previously acted as a team become foes, of sorts. Sure, the kids need to be kept out of it but in the end, they’re always dragged into it, one way or another.
Some couples actually get back together when they see how profoundly their lives will be negatively affected by a divorce. All that for limited or often non-existent benefits.
However, there are powerful motivators to end a relationship. Sometimes, the hurt is so unbearable that a clean cut divorce is the only possible solution.
Whatever the unique geometry of a given divorce, divorcees quickly realize that their divorce will as profoundly unique as their relationship was.
In other words, the divorcees will need to think up ways to make their divorced life work, just like they need to think up ways to make their couple prosper, previously.
Rules of thumb
Ending a relationship can mean peace… or war.
And war is not pretty.
The warring divorcee might think he or she has the upper hand in the battle but divorces tend to linger for very, very long (especially because of the kids and the fact it might take some time before they’re adults).
As such, any vicious move by one of the divorcees, or both will likely result in bitter resentment which will torpedo-down any future gesture of genuine good will.
And that will make everything… complicated.
In comes communication to the rescue. Both divorcees need to make it an absolute priority to talk things out. Think of communication as a diplomacy move. It’ll often be as effective as war but without the destructive consequences.
So whatever you do when ending your relationship, aim to communicate with the intent of resolving issues, not having them blow up in your face.
Now that divorce is part of the picture
Who thinks about divorce? Everybody. Even happy couples!
Before the very first date, most people will think hard about who they’re letting into their lives. They’ll project their date in the future. A future where they’d have to say goodbye and they’ll think of how well it could play out. In that scenario, if their date appears out of control, that’ll stick with then and they might never allow for the relationship to progress.
It’s a matter of trust.
And if trust can’t be achieved, then the relationship will be hard and the almost inevitable divorce will be just as frustrating.
So way before creating the conditions for a date to become a mate, thoughts go through people’s mind and one of those thoughts is regarding a potential divorce, at any time and for any reason, in the future.
The mates’ mindset will then influence the evolution of the relationship over time, including important questions like those pertaining to kids. A man unsure of his future with a woman will reluctantly be interested into having kids. Or buying up a house. Or giving up their own success to benefit that of his sweetheart.
So yes, divorce is a thing.
Wether in it, over it or preemptively resenting the day when such an event could happen, divorce liberates from a relationship but it can lead to a whole new set of lifestyle choices which could have a decisive impact on the divorcees and everyone who depend on them or help them.
So if you’re still unsure about divorce, don’t necessarily rule it out but delve into your resourcefulness and at least try to communicate before things go south.
In any event, you’ll at least know you did your best to make things right, even if they end up going the exact opposite way.
Whatever your divorce may yield, know that you’re still as unique, creator and responsible as ever and even if the going gets tough, you should act the part.